The art of loosing myself in bringing You praise.

It has been a week since God has put me to a test. Well, something beyond my control happened. But I was fortunately constantly reminded to run the race, looking to Him and Him only.

Yes, the temptation was great to just be immature and succumb to this situation, but that small still voice within me always did remind me to act in accordance with the given life-manual I have. – The Bible.

It was tough, to show love, and to not be weary of doing good towards someone who shows so much despise towards you. It just makes it so hard to show you’re trying to make this friendship work. I was reminded, when I was seeking the Lord and reading His Word, to show love, when someone shows hatred towards you. To never return curses but blessings to someone who curses you. Now, you have no idea how hard that can turn out to be.

I had to keep repeating this idea to myself so I do not lose sight of what He has commanded me to do. My cell leader also told me, if God has told you to do this, He means business, so you better obey. So I did.  Cos God said “if you love me you’ll obey Me” in the Bible right?

So yes, I was determined to do this by repeating His word to myself when I had to face this person. As well as the fruitsofthespirit! =D Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control. And made sure I have each and every fruit. Seriously. I know this sounds lame but I guess I had no other option if I wanted to obey His command.

So even when this person made me feel awful, at least I went home not feeling awful at myself because I knew I did the right thing by not being mean back. Trust me, when I was in high school back then, I was a freaking bitch to anyone that made me cross.

That was certainly tough. But I did it. No doubt this will continue till who knows when. But then, I realised I’ve learned so much through this.

I will learn to persevere through this.

I’ve learnt to be more matured. So I thought I was matured already. This caused me to think twice.

I’ve learnt to savour challenges because this is how I’m moulded to be more like Him. This is how I grow.

I’ve learnt what it takes to have humility. Cos the funny thing about humility is that once you think you have it, you don’t anymore.

And above all, I’ve learnt what it meant to really love. To love someone not easy to love. To love someone who shows you hatred back in return.

Really, God is full of humour and He has His ways. It was just a week before this thing happened when we shared about our new year’s resolution in cell as it was the month of July already and if we’re close to accomplishing it. I shared with a laugh – that my new year’s resolution was to be nice to people I can’t stand. To love the unlovable. (See here, I’ve blogged about it in the beginning of the year). I laughed it off and said “Nope, I’m not close to achieving it. I think only God can do it. That’s why He’s God you know,”

Now here I am, faced with this and given a choice to fulfill my new year’s resolution or not. I think God really is serious about moulding me and wanting me to fulfill this.

And when I was in church today worshipping God, God told me very clearly – I will never give you something you cannot handle. I will never give you something you cannot overcome.

So this makes sense now. I fully understand everything happens for a reason. And this reason is to make me more like Him each day.

Hence, I told myself to be strong. After all, God will never leave nor forsake, especially when He is putting one through a test. Like that story about the three men tossed in the furnace. He will never leave, and God is not one who lies.

So I shall trust in Him and love, praying something good comes out from this.

1 Corinthians 15:58 – Stand firm. Be immovable. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

As God said He sees those who seek after Him earnestly.

I started to realise, maybe it is I who has to change, before these situations change. So I shall, reminding myself to do everything and only everything that is a worship unto God.

Let this blog post be a reminder for me. Not easy when we are in an imperfect world, but really, nothing is impossible.

I really like this song. Have a listen.

Too gruesome to watch? I know. That’s why I can never fathom how He can be so every determined to die on the cross for us; to endure that kind of torture for the sins of people that spat at Him. That love really had to be so amazing.

So I told myself, if He loved me this much, how could I possibly not love as well?

A pastor spoke this few weeks back: if you go about in life, keeping in mind that God died for the person next to you as well, life would be in a whole new perspective. You don’t tend to be that self-centred anymore.

So I shall keep in mind God died for everyone around me, including those who hurt me.

I guess this will make it easier to love. Love covers a multitude of sins, and I’m holding on to that.


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