The Book of Job.

I have finally completed reading this amazing book. I started out reading this Book, truthfully because I was disappointed (yes, dare I say) in God.

There was a time not too long before, when I was deeply in love with God and had consciously chosen to walk the righteous path. To seek His face in everything, to glorify Him in everything I do. I had put my trust in God to hold my world. But somehow things began to turn against what I had hoped for. I didn’t see the fruits, the results. I felt I was thrown into a deep dark place I didn’t even know I was walking into. The more I trusted in Him, more hurricanes whirled in.

I questioned God and cried out to Him. How could things go against my favor when I had fervently pursued His heart? How could the unfaithful and ungodly triumph over me? I wanted answers. And so I started reading the Book of Job. Perhaps the life of this man would tell me what is really going on when God decides to remain silent and allow such defeat even when one is right with God.

Truthfully, I went through a period of darkness and started to realise what little faith I really had within me. I couldn’t bring myself to trust Him again. I couldn’t pick myself up. My stubborn cold heart refused to draw strength from Him. I turned my face away from my Creator. And I relied on my own strength. I sank further into the mess I was in. It was like being stuck in a pit of sinking sand. The more I relied on my own strength and struggled, the further I sank. I knew I needed someone to pull me out. I needed Him. But yet, I refused to call on Him.

It was when I hit rock bottom, I realised it was the only way. He was the only way.

And so I cried out to my Savior and He threw me the rope. I slowly crawled back. The inches I progressed back Home was tough, but made all the difference.

And so I realised after spending time reading His word in this Book, sometimes God removes the things from us to test where our faith lies. Does our faith rest in the things we possess (eg: money, possessions, qualifications)? What do you put your trust in? What defines you?

You see, for me, it was my qualifications, my education, my dreams. I felt God had turned His face from me and disregarded the trust I had in Him by not granting what I had hoped for. I felt He allowed my world to crumble in His hands. I was devastated, broken and lost.

Little did I know, He was slowly but painfully revealing to me that I really had such little trust in the One I proclaim to love the most. He was showing me how tightly I held on to these securities in life when I was supposed to hold on to Him. He was showing me that I had to die to my own dreams simply because He had better dreams for me.

Job 31:24-28

New International Version (NIV)

24 “If I have put my trust in gold
    or said to pure gold, ‘You are my security,’
25 if I have rejoiced over my great wealth,
    the fortune my hands had gained,
26 if I have regarded the sun in its radiance
    or the moon moving in splendor,
27 so that my heart was secretly enticed
    and my hand offered them a kiss of homage,
28 then these also would be sins to be judged,
    for I would have been unfaithful to God on high.

And so, knowing all these; that my faith is paper-thin, that I need to continue trusting in Him even when I do not see His hand, I am crawling back to Him. I am not there yet.

Though I have not much to offer Him, not near what He deserves; still I come because the Cross has placed in me my worth.

I am coming Home, Lord. Thank you for waiting for me by the door like You always do.

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