James 1:19-20 19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
Proverbs 12:18 Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
The bible is right. Anger be destructive. The tongue can be powerful.
The many times you have offended and hurt me, I did not retaliate. But patience has its bounds. Yet I try, I still do. Even when I’m at my lowest. Even when you give me the impression you want nothing more than being an acquaintance. Not even a friend. That is your decision.
Do not mistake my silence for ignorance,
my calmness for acceptance,
and my kindness for weakness.
Because there were many opportunities you dangled before me where I could have been really honest about your attitude with you. But I choose not to say or do anything in return because I refuse to be shallow and childish. I refuse to drag myself down in anger by expressing it. I refuse to retaliate and be murderous with my words because I know that will hurt you. Above all, after sobbing my disappointments away, I chose to put aside all the ill feelings and do exactly the opposite instead. I have chosen to love you instead.
Trust me, I can see past all your smiles and small talk and see you are hurting inside. I can see that you are insecurities through your eyes. But why? I do not understand. You are a child of God. You are so precious. Why look to the world and the things of the world for recognition?
You may not see the internal battles and inner struggles I put myself through to love you. And I say this with all sincerity and humility. I do not boast in myself, but I boast in the Lord. I boast about how He has brought me through.
Loving someone that isn’t really your favourite person in the world can be tough. But I choose to. Not an obligation. It is a choice. I will continue to be kind towards you. Because of His love that has been engraved in my heart. Because I have understood the true meaning of God’s love and how real it is in my life. I go down on my knees and plead to God for abounding grace, patience and perseverance to love you. I have always been praying for you. I don’t want to give up. Because God hasn’t given up on you. Simple as that.
I have been through much. God has placed difficult people in my life and how He has shown so much grace and mercy upon them. And upon a sinner like me. I cannot help but turn towards that direction. But I am not perfect yet. I still fail at the department of loving difficult people. That God wants to deal with me, through you.
I can be very human sometimes. So forgive me if I have been offensive. But know that I am trying and it is not easy. But my decision remains. I have chosen to love you.
Ps. Hey readers, if you’ve noticed, I don’t usually blog about negative feelings because there was a point of time in my life where I decided to do things that are attached to a purpose. Why bitch fit like loud clanging cymbals. Why allow the devil to feed into my thoughts? So every blog entry has not been intended for myself, but for you. To inspire you in the little ways I can. To encourage you in the Lord. But today, I have realised that the negative that I go through can serve as a source of encouragement too. We all face giants in our lives. We might be small and unsure about how God can use someone ordinary like us. But let us rise up. You may not be able. But He is able. And if a sinner like me can choose to love, surely you can too.
1 Corinthians 13:1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
Psalms 139:24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.