Archive for Bar school.

The Book of Job.

Posted in Chord progressions. with tags , , , , , , , , on October 14, 2012 by Vivian K

I have finally completed reading this amazing book. I started out reading this Book, truthfully because I was disappointed (yes, dare I say) in God.

There was a time not too long before, when I was deeply in love with God and had consciously chosen to walk the righteous path. To seek His face in everything, to glorify Him in everything I do. I had put my trust in God to hold my world. But somehow things began to turn against what I had hoped for. I didn’t see the fruits, the results. I felt I was thrown into a deep dark place I didn’t even know I was walking into. The more I trusted in Him, more hurricanes whirled in.

I questioned God and cried out to Him. How could things go against my favor when I had fervently pursued His heart? How could the unfaithful and ungodly triumph over me? I wanted answers. And so I started reading the Book of Job. Perhaps the life of this man would tell me what is really going on when God decides to remain silent and allow such defeat even when one is right with God.

Truthfully, I went through a period of darkness and started to realise what little faith I really had within me. I couldn’t bring myself to trust Him again. I couldn’t pick myself up. My stubborn cold heart refused to draw strength from Him. I turned my face away from my Creator. And I relied on my own strength. I sank further into the mess I was in. It was like being stuck in a pit of sinking sand. The more I relied on my own strength and struggled, the further I sank. I knew I needed someone to pull me out. I needed Him. But yet, I refused to call on Him.

It was when I hit rock bottom, I realised it was the only way. He was the only way.

And so I cried out to my Savior and He threw me the rope. I slowly crawled back. The inches I progressed back Home was tough, but made all the difference.

And so I realised after spending time reading His word in this Book, sometimes God removes the things from us to test where our faith lies. Does our faith rest in the things we possess (eg: money, possessions, qualifications)? What do you put your trust in? What defines you?

You see, for me, it was my qualifications, my education, my dreams. I felt God had turned His face from me and disregarded the trust I had in Him by not granting what I had hoped for. I felt He allowed my world to crumble in His hands. I was devastated, broken and lost.

Little did I know, He was slowly but painfully revealing to me that I really had such little trust in the One I proclaim to love the most. He was showing me how tightly I held on to these securities in life when I was supposed to hold on to Him. He was showing me that I had to die to my own dreams simply because He had better dreams for me.

Job 31:24-28

New International Version (NIV)

24 “If I have put my trust in gold
    or said to pure gold, ‘You are my security,’
25 if I have rejoiced over my great wealth,
    the fortune my hands had gained,
26 if I have regarded the sun in its radiance
    or the moon moving in splendor,
27 so that my heart was secretly enticed
    and my hand offered them a kiss of homage,
28 then these also would be sins to be judged,
    for I would have been unfaithful to God on high.

And so, knowing all these; that my faith is paper-thin, that I need to continue trusting in Him even when I do not see His hand, I am crawling back to Him. I am not there yet.

Though I have not much to offer Him, not near what He deserves; still I come because the Cross has placed in me my worth.

I am coming Home, Lord. Thank you for waiting for me by the door like You always do.

Post graduation.

Posted in Chord progressions. with tags , , , , on March 10, 2012 by Vivian K

I’ve recently received an offer from the bar school of my choice. It’s definitely a miracle because I only had two days to write up 11 essays. My parents gave me the green light to apply in such a short notice. I knew God was pointing me towards bar school and placed friends in my life to guide me on which school to apply.

So I got into the school of my choice. But I choose to surrender to the Lord, what He wants to do in my life.

If it’s bar school, I trust He’ll provide. If it means taking two gaps years working (with Teach For Malaysia) prior to commencing my course, I will obey.

Or having a job offer in the UK.

Either way, I will be walking down this next chapter of my life alone. Indeed it is the road not taken. I will be stepping on new territories and having the opportunity to grow into what He wants me to become. And ultimately, He will be with me.

So much uncertainties. But yet, so much peace.

 

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don’t know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I’m gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to.

Cause I’m not who I was
When I took my first step
And I’m clinging to the promise You’re not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to.

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that’s not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I’d never go alone.

So when the whole world turns against me
And I’m all by myself
And I can’t hear You answer my cries for help
I’ll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley If You want me to

The chaotic BPTC applications.

Posted in Chord progressions., In a major key. with tags , , , , , , , on January 14, 2012 by Vivian K

For those who have just stumbled across my blog, let me give you a little background first. I am a final year law student graudating in July. So many would ask. I would to. – What’s next?

Hence the blog post “Uncertain”.

You see, I was told I couldn’t afford to further my studies in the UK for another year and I was to go graduate and go home to do the Certificate in Legal Practice (CLP) – in other words, the Malaysian Bar Course.

Nothing wrong with that. But my dream was always to study the Bar Professional Training Course (BPTC) in the UK. Learn and train here before I go back.

Applications are to be made from the period of November to January 12. And so I swept it under the carpet, because I didn’t know if I could apply or not. Besides, the possibility for me to study the BPTC was slim. I had to think twice about paying £40 for the application fee.

So, approximately 5 days before the deadline, I called my parents and asked if I could do the BPTC course. They said I should go ahead and apply first but chances are slim that they could afford another year for me in the UK.

I was absolutely crushed. I felt like my dreams just went down the gutter. I was disappointed. But then, I came to the point that I told God, this is not my life. My life belongs to him. So whatever he wants me to do, I will do it. I was reminded of our promise as disciples of God, to lay down our lives and follow Him.

Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

So I told myself to be contented with what I was given by God. To go back to Malaysia for the CLP.

Then I called my dad up and told him I would not be applying. And sent my mom an email saying the same.

My mom then replied the next day prompting me to apply. I was taken aback. I had only two days to complete 11 essays. How would I be able to pull off a good application?

I prayed about it and looked to God. Then things started falling into place, and even friends started pointing me to that direction. I knew it was God’s guidance.

And so I sat there and typed. And no, I didn’t deprive myself of sleep, or food. I didn’t have a panic attack. No, I was totally calm and could feel the peace of God in me.

Then, on the 12th January at 2am, when I was about done and just polishing my essays, the Bar Standards Board application website indicated that applications are now closed.

My heart sank. The website really did state the closing time was 2pm. A few of my friends too were on the same boat as me. They all have not submitted their application. Then I thought, my work on the 11 essays, just gone to waste?

But strangely, I still felt the peace of God within me. I set aside everything I was doing to have my time alone with God.

I asked why.

Then I stopped. And realised, who was I to demand for such things? It is God alone who gives and takes away. If it was something God would want for me, I would have it.

I knew the Lord was putting my faith to the test. And so I held on tightly to Him and trusted that if this wasn’t for me, He had a much better plan. Through everything, I really did feel I was carried and sheltered by a strength mightier than my own.

I chose to be obedient and I prayed.

“Lord if it is your will, You will make a way. I choose to trust in You with all my heart”.

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Philippians 3: 7 -11 ‘But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost ALL THINGS. I consider then RUBBISH, that I may gain Christ and be focused in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ-the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

Then, I rested in the Lord (because it was already 6am). I then woke up few hours later, and found that the application had opened again. God did make a way.

And I am glad I trusted in Him instead of just being disappointed as if God had failed me.

And so I did my final polishing up on the essays, paid and submitted my application.

So here I am, a hopeful barrister (one day) according to His leading, according to His will.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.

This year started off great. 2012 is dedicated to the Lord and His will for me. I will trust and be obedient to His calling.

I hope my story encourages you to learn how to put your trust in Him when things seem uncertain.

It may seem like a saying that has been said one too many times. But it is true.

Only God knows what’s best for you. And He has it all planned and figured out already.

And what we only need is faith.

:1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Hebrews 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Taller, stronger, better.

Posted in Arpeggios. with tags , , , , on January 11, 2012 by Vivian K

I’ve walked through fire so I could become all that You said that I could be.