Archive for Education.

You satisfy my soul.

Posted in First Movements., In a major key. with tags , , , , , , , , on September 26, 2013 by Vivian K

You satisfy my soul

You satisfy my soul 

You satisfy my soul

With Your love

You make my heart sing

You lift me on eagle wings

Just when I thought my heart, it would faint

You take the darkest night

And You turn it to shining light

Just when I thought the night had won

Hallelujah, You make all things beautiful

Hallelujah, trials and testing prove there’s gold

Hallelujah, You turn mourning into joy

Blind.

Posted in Chord progressions. with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 15, 2012 by Vivian K

I randomly popped my earphones into my ears this evening and this was one of the songs I decided to listen to. Strangely, I felt this small voice speaking to my heart.

If you’ve been following my posts on this blog, you’d know I am only honest in my writings because I believe that in every imperfection discovered, coupled with the desire to be more like Jesus, there is beauty that has the potential to inspire. So, here goes:

You see, I am a person that is committed to what I aim to achieve in life. Often, it has always been the ‘tunnel vision’ approach for me – that mentality where nothing stops me if I aim to pursue a certain goal. Sure, it gets me somewhere in respect to my achievements.

But as a result, I have begun to realize I have become a little more selfish in life. Let me explain.

Rushing to class, I tend to walk past the needy without a second thought. Without even remembering I am to be a salt and light unto these people. The Bible says in Luke 11:33 “No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead he puts it on its stand, so that those who come in may see the light.”

I often proclaim I am living for God – and mean it of course. Sing worship songs that exclaim about His love upon my life and pray for Him to use me where I am placed. I go to church and show that I love the Lord, but all within my comfort zone, underneath a bowl. I talk about my spirituality only to Christian friends for fear that those who do not believe will be put off. But what good is it when it is all comfortable, but I am not truly a living testimony, demonstrating His great love for me to those who actually need it most?

I remember walking past the blind and poor, the laborers, hawkers, prostitutes. All in the name of getting to class on time. You see, my college is situated in the heart of the city where there are people who, without a doubt, need the Lord.

How blind and insensitive I have become towards the needs of people around me, those closest to God’s aching heart. So caught up in doing well in school and make it as a lawyer. We often focus on agendas of our own, which in turn blocks out the agenda of the Highest One, subtly disallowing Him to live through you and me.

If you know my story, you’d know I wrestled with God when He told me to come back to Malaysia to enroll for the Certificate of Legal Practice. I wanted to stay in England to pursue the UK Bar Professional Training Course. I was upset and I didn’t understand why God would discount me of that dream I always had. Now I can see His purpose slowly unfolding, revealing to me why. I am placed here for a reason. And one of the reasons is to shed the scales on my eyes and see the world through His eyes.

Psalms 139:23-24 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

I was really challenged after watching this video. I pray it will do the same for you:

If Jesus fully emptied himself for you, what’s keeping you from emptying yourself for others? – Jefferson Bethke

The Book of Job.

Posted in Chord progressions. with tags , , , , , , , , on October 14, 2012 by Vivian K

I have finally completed reading this amazing book. I started out reading this Book, truthfully because I was disappointed (yes, dare I say) in God.

There was a time not too long before, when I was deeply in love with God and had consciously chosen to walk the righteous path. To seek His face in everything, to glorify Him in everything I do. I had put my trust in God to hold my world. But somehow things began to turn against what I had hoped for. I didn’t see the fruits, the results. I felt I was thrown into a deep dark place I didn’t even know I was walking into. The more I trusted in Him, more hurricanes whirled in.

I questioned God and cried out to Him. How could things go against my favor when I had fervently pursued His heart? How could the unfaithful and ungodly triumph over me? I wanted answers. And so I started reading the Book of Job. Perhaps the life of this man would tell me what is really going on when God decides to remain silent and allow such defeat even when one is right with God.

Truthfully, I went through a period of darkness and started to realise what little faith I really had within me. I couldn’t bring myself to trust Him again. I couldn’t pick myself up. My stubborn cold heart refused to draw strength from Him. I turned my face away from my Creator. And I relied on my own strength. I sank further into the mess I was in. It was like being stuck in a pit of sinking sand. The more I relied on my own strength and struggled, the further I sank. I knew I needed someone to pull me out. I needed Him. But yet, I refused to call on Him.

It was when I hit rock bottom, I realised it was the only way. He was the only way.

And so I cried out to my Savior and He threw me the rope. I slowly crawled back. The inches I progressed back Home was tough, but made all the difference.

And so I realised after spending time reading His word in this Book, sometimes God removes the things from us to test where our faith lies. Does our faith rest in the things we possess (eg: money, possessions, qualifications)? What do you put your trust in? What defines you?

You see, for me, it was my qualifications, my education, my dreams. I felt God had turned His face from me and disregarded the trust I had in Him by not granting what I had hoped for. I felt He allowed my world to crumble in His hands. I was devastated, broken and lost.

Little did I know, He was slowly but painfully revealing to me that I really had such little trust in the One I proclaim to love the most. He was showing me how tightly I held on to these securities in life when I was supposed to hold on to Him. He was showing me that I had to die to my own dreams simply because He had better dreams for me.

Job 31:24-28

New International Version (NIV)

24 “If I have put my trust in gold
    or said to pure gold, ‘You are my security,’
25 if I have rejoiced over my great wealth,
    the fortune my hands had gained,
26 if I have regarded the sun in its radiance
    or the moon moving in splendor,
27 so that my heart was secretly enticed
    and my hand offered them a kiss of homage,
28 then these also would be sins to be judged,
    for I would have been unfaithful to God on high.

And so, knowing all these; that my faith is paper-thin, that I need to continue trusting in Him even when I do not see His hand, I am crawling back to Him. I am not there yet.

Though I have not much to offer Him, not near what He deserves; still I come because the Cross has placed in me my worth.

I am coming Home, Lord. Thank you for waiting for me by the door like You always do.

Phillippians 1:6

Posted in Chord progressions., In a major key. with tags , , , , , , , , , on July 1, 2012 by Vivian K

… being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

This was the word for me from my pastor as I walked through the departure gates for London, United Kingdom to pursue my final year of law degree.

Now that I am graduating (in three days) and heading home, I have somewhat understood the word spoken onto my life as I left my country.

Life in the UK has been such a rich experience. I was tremendously blessed to be able to study abroad, even for a very short period of time.

I traveled much, seen more of the world, been inspired and aimed to inspire.

I have truly understood the value of money. The value of hard earned money.

I have known what it meant to die to my own dreams, to make way for His dreams for me.

I have deeply understood that God is good. Full-stop. No circumstances thrown at me will change the fact that He is good, and that He is love.

I have truly known in my heart that if I am truly recognizing my Lord, I have no business being concerned about how and where He engineers my circumstances (taken from http://utmost.org/keep-recognizing-jesus/)

I have learnt how victory and success may not be what it seems if saw from the eyes of the world. Just like how Jesus died on the cross that Friday. In the eyes of the world, it seemed like it was defeat. As though all His work and ministry had come to an end. On the contrary, the world saw God’s sovereign plan for His death and future for the world on the third day when He rose again.

I have learnt to put relationships first. Everything else is secondary.

I have learnt not to distinguish different ages of people or make a mental categorization on them. I have learnt to treat children, the old, the teenagers, the adults and my peers all the same. With love and respect.

Being in a cold country, I have also learnt how to appreciate the little things in life. A warm cup of Milo, warm showers, warm hugs, and sun rays upon my skin.

Going back home, I may be excited to see old faces, indulge in great food, immerse myself in the sunlight. But let my soul not forget that I am going back home because I have been called to go home. My calling is in Malaysia. And there is where I shall serve the Lord in whatever I do. Be it as a postgraduate student, a lawyer in the future, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend, a ministry worker, a worship singer, a teacher, a politician.

I will serve as the Lord commands.

If you would ask me if God’s work in me has been completed, I will tell you, no. I have a long way to go. So much more can be improved. I am still learning and I have much to learn. I will be a work in progress, until the day of Christ Jesus.

Till then, hello Malaysia. I’m coming back.

The chaotic BPTC applications.

Posted in Chord progressions., In a major key. with tags , , , , , , , on January 14, 2012 by Vivian K

For those who have just stumbled across my blog, let me give you a little background first. I am a final year law student graudating in July. So many would ask. I would to. – What’s next?

Hence the blog post “Uncertain”.

You see, I was told I couldn’t afford to further my studies in the UK for another year and I was to go graduate and go home to do the Certificate in Legal Practice (CLP) – in other words, the Malaysian Bar Course.

Nothing wrong with that. But my dream was always to study the Bar Professional Training Course (BPTC) in the UK. Learn and train here before I go back.

Applications are to be made from the period of November to January 12. And so I swept it under the carpet, because I didn’t know if I could apply or not. Besides, the possibility for me to study the BPTC was slim. I had to think twice about paying £40 for the application fee.

So, approximately 5 days before the deadline, I called my parents and asked if I could do the BPTC course. They said I should go ahead and apply first but chances are slim that they could afford another year for me in the UK.

I was absolutely crushed. I felt like my dreams just went down the gutter. I was disappointed. But then, I came to the point that I told God, this is not my life. My life belongs to him. So whatever he wants me to do, I will do it. I was reminded of our promise as disciples of God, to lay down our lives and follow Him.

Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

So I told myself to be contented with what I was given by God. To go back to Malaysia for the CLP.

Then I called my dad up and told him I would not be applying. And sent my mom an email saying the same.

My mom then replied the next day prompting me to apply. I was taken aback. I had only two days to complete 11 essays. How would I be able to pull off a good application?

I prayed about it and looked to God. Then things started falling into place, and even friends started pointing me to that direction. I knew it was God’s guidance.

And so I sat there and typed. And no, I didn’t deprive myself of sleep, or food. I didn’t have a panic attack. No, I was totally calm and could feel the peace of God in me.

Then, on the 12th January at 2am, when I was about done and just polishing my essays, the Bar Standards Board application website indicated that applications are now closed.

My heart sank. The website really did state the closing time was 2pm. A few of my friends too were on the same boat as me. They all have not submitted their application. Then I thought, my work on the 11 essays, just gone to waste?

But strangely, I still felt the peace of God within me. I set aside everything I was doing to have my time alone with God.

I asked why.

Then I stopped. And realised, who was I to demand for such things? It is God alone who gives and takes away. If it was something God would want for me, I would have it.

I knew the Lord was putting my faith to the test. And so I held on tightly to Him and trusted that if this wasn’t for me, He had a much better plan. Through everything, I really did feel I was carried and sheltered by a strength mightier than my own.

I chose to be obedient and I prayed.

“Lord if it is your will, You will make a way. I choose to trust in You with all my heart”.

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Philippians 3: 7 -11 ‘But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost ALL THINGS. I consider then RUBBISH, that I may gain Christ and be focused in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ-the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

Then, I rested in the Lord (because it was already 6am). I then woke up few hours later, and found that the application had opened again. God did make a way.

And I am glad I trusted in Him instead of just being disappointed as if God had failed me.

And so I did my final polishing up on the essays, paid and submitted my application.

So here I am, a hopeful barrister (one day) according to His leading, according to His will.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.

This year started off great. 2012 is dedicated to the Lord and His will for me. I will trust and be obedient to His calling.

I hope my story encourages you to learn how to put your trust in Him when things seem uncertain.

It may seem like a saying that has been said one too many times. But it is true.

Only God knows what’s best for you. And He has it all planned and figured out already.

And what we only need is faith.

:1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Hebrews 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Uncertain.

Posted in Chord progressions. with tags , , , , , , , on December 16, 2011 by Vivian K

It’s the end of my autumn term in the UK. Many of my friends have plans. For the next step, I mean.

Me? I don’t have anything yet. All I have is dreams. But would that be enough?

I feel many have it easier. So much easier.

I don’t  know what lies ahead of me. Well, I’ve not been given an answer yet.

I have tried other options. Tough luck, it may seem. But is it luck that I need?

I don’t think focusing on my burdens and worries will make my footsteps lighter. And besides, I’d be undermining my Lord Almighty.

At the end of the day He is sovereign in my life. Not any other authorities, but Him and Him alone.

And I shall walk the path He has chosen.

I will choose not to complain and focus on the uncertainties of life.

But focus on how great my God is.

And one day I’ll look back and shall see that His hand was ever upon me.

Balance.

Posted in Chord progressions. with tags , , , , , , on October 25, 2011 by Vivian K