For those who have just stumbled across my blog, let me give you a little background first. I am a final year law student graudating in July. So many would ask. I would to. – What’s next?
Hence the blog post “Uncertain”.
You see, I was told I couldn’t afford to further my studies in the UK for another year and I was to go graduate and go home to do the Certificate in Legal Practice (CLP) – in other words, the Malaysian Bar Course.
Nothing wrong with that. But my dream was always to study the Bar Professional Training Course (BPTC) in the UK. Learn and train here before I go back.
Applications are to be made from the period of November to January 12. And so I swept it under the carpet, because I didn’t know if I could apply or not. Besides, the possibility for me to study the BPTC was slim. I had to think twice about paying £40 for the application fee.
So, approximately 5 days before the deadline, I called my parents and asked if I could do the BPTC course. They said I should go ahead and apply first but chances are slim that they could afford another year for me in the UK.
I was absolutely crushed. I felt like my dreams just went down the gutter. I was disappointed. But then, I came to the point that I told God, this is not my life. My life belongs to him. So whatever he wants me to do, I will do it. I was reminded of our promise as disciples of God, to lay down our lives and follow Him.
Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.
So I told myself to be contented with what I was given by God. To go back to Malaysia for the CLP.
Then I called my dad up and told him I would not be applying. And sent my mom an email saying the same.
My mom then replied the next day prompting me to apply. I was taken aback. I had only two days to complete 11 essays. How would I be able to pull off a good application?
I prayed about it and looked to God. Then things started falling into place, and even friends started pointing me to that direction. I knew it was God’s guidance.
And so I sat there and typed. And no, I didn’t deprive myself of sleep, or food. I didn’t have a panic attack. No, I was totally calm and could feel the peace of God in me.
Then, on the 12th January at 2am, when I was about done and just polishing my essays, the Bar Standards Board application website indicated that applications are now closed.
My heart sank. The website really did state the closing time was 2pm. A few of my friends too were on the same boat as me. They all have not submitted their application. Then I thought, my work on the 11 essays, just gone to waste?
But strangely, I still felt the peace of God within me. I set aside everything I was doing to have my time alone with God.
I asked why.
Then I stopped. And realised, who was I to demand for such things? It is God alone who gives and takes away. If it was something God would want for me, I would have it.
I knew the Lord was putting my faith to the test. And so I held on tightly to Him and trusted that if this wasn’t for me, He had a much better plan. Through everything, I really did feel I was carried and sheltered by a strength mightier than my own.
I chose to be obedient and I prayed.
“Lord if it is your will, You will make a way. I choose to trust in You with all my heart”.
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Philippians 3: 7 -11 ‘But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost ALL THINGS. I consider then RUBBISH, that I may gain Christ and be focused in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ-the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
Then, I rested in the Lord (because it was already 6am). I then woke up few hours later, and found that the application had opened again. God did make a way.
And I am glad I trusted in Him instead of just being disappointed as if God had failed me.
And so I did my final polishing up on the essays, paid and submitted my application.
So here I am, a hopeful barrister (one day) according to His leading, according to His will.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.
This year started off great. 2012 is dedicated to the Lord and His will for me. I will trust and be obedient to His calling.
I hope my story encourages you to learn how to put your trust in Him when things seem uncertain.
It may seem like a saying that has been said one too many times. But it is true.
Only God knows what’s best for you. And He has it all planned and figured out already.
And what we only need is faith.
:1 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.